A CLEAN SLATE!!!!!

I don’t know why the heart doesn’t do what the mind tells it. Often we let our pain and emotions rule over us, rather if we use our head we would come with a better result. If you desire a fresh start you need to clean your slate. Yes CLEAN YOUR SLATE- its not as easy as it reads, it very painful but the end result is perfect. On a Monday morning rather than work I felt like breakfast outside somewhere with people I can be real with, not where I have to pretend to be laughing but deep inside am in pain. The best quite time I have is when am driving alone to no where or somewhere, that few minutes I have with myself is so precious and realistic. This morning I remember when I was a kid n lost in my lonely World, dint have a relationship with God but I know there is someone called God who created. I use to ask who am I? Who is God? Who are the people around me? I don’t know if anyone ever felt like that. A state of mind when you are so lost in your creation. I feel so selfless, careless, carefree, and heartless; I don’t know the best words to describe my feeling. The only way I express my self now is write the words in my thought! Wait a minute, how real can one write ones tot? What life do we live in when we have to fake everything, even the way we feel? Ever had days when your mind and thought is so blank you begin to ask yourself what’s happening to you. Searching for answers within yourself, asking am I acting someone else’s character, what happened to me?

Can’t remember if this has happened in a very long time but it’s been 3days now and I don’t know who I am? Tots are blank, I am blank… am trying to do the usual just to get back to myself but I don’t know how…Does this happen to you? Am speaking to my inner voice asking what’s wrong with me? Things I see my self do, don’t know if I would do them normally. Rather than stay at work I just want to get my tots out maybe it would help me concentrate. I feel like am trapped in someone else’s skin or someone else’s is trapped inside of me. Anyone wondering how I decided to update my blog if I don’t know who this is or does anyone feel me? Does any one understand what am saying? Has anyone of you felt like this? I don’t even know what to pray…… What’s wrong with me? I hear only the words I write because its words from my tot! Isn’t there room for a fiction writer who can write real life events just as they are, Raw fictions not just writing for peoples interest? I even get surprised, people claiming they are writing their biography but it’s not as true as it should be. A friend of mine often says my generation is waiting to be mentored by me. Mentored wit what, the lives that we live these days? Hell no…. I aint gonna be party to leading people through this fake life of ours. Let’s teach the imperfect us and not just the perfect. When you pray about something or someone praying a prayer of revelation for u, pause before you say Amen, cos I tell you sometimes you can’t handle the revelations you get…. TO BE CONTINUED.